Typography Horoscopes: What your font choice says about you and your future

Forget the eyes being the window to someone’s soul, knowing a person’s typographical core is the real insight. Are you a fool for Futura or are you a Paprika pusher? Can your serif self ever be compatible with a partner whose moon is in sans-serif? And what fonts are in retrograde this month?

Well fret no more because the fonts are aligning, and while the kerning might be a little off, the completely serious and not made-up predictions below are just what you need to find who you really are.

Arial

As the supermarket sandwich of typefaces, Arial is not exciting, or even delicious, but you know exactly what to expect and that’s quite nice sometimes. Designed in 1982 for Monotype, it’s one of the UK’s most popular fonts.

Fans of Arial and its 51 styles are of course big proponents of the meal deal, and they will never go off-piste when following a recipe, or skiing for that matter. On the plus side, you can always depend on them in a crisis, and it’s likely they’re the only ones who know the pin number for the Sky box.

If you’re an Arial user, this month watch out for a close friend who asks you to clean their hard drive. You’ll do an amazing job but they’re taking advantage of your reliability. And if your potential lover is an Arial admirer, ask them about the continued pedestrianisation of Norwich City Centre to get them going.

Times New Roman

It’s the typeface most normies (non-type fans) know, but don’t let that put you off. Users of this font are classic beauties with shiny hair, and they’re the best kind of party guest because they always bring crisps and dip.

As a serif typeface, its traditional aesthetic isn’t exactly on trend right now and neither are its fans. Commissioned by The Times newspaper in 1931, TNR couldn’t be more British if it tried, so connoisseurs will often talk about the weather, and love to weigh up the pros and cons of motorway service stations.

If you’re an ardent user of TNR, this month be careful how much you “return to normal” and go back to bad habits. Your penchant for nostalgia is endearing, but nobody wants to hear you bang on about how London 2012 was the UK’s peak and it’s been downhill ever since. Try something new instead, like oat milk in your coffee or copy a dance you saw a rich teenager perform on the internet.

Druk

Often hailed as one of the loudest voices on the typographic chart, Druk is bold, in-your-face and uncompromising. A relative newbie having been released in 2014 by Commercial Type, fans of Druk are often confident, outgoing, and being in charge of the workplace Spotify doesn’t phase them at all.

Lovers of Druk will likely work in the creative industries, typically as a designer in a funky studio or as global head creative director of their one-man studio from their bedroom. Born and bred in London (Surrey), they know everyone and will happily help you network a room – though they will always harp on about beer pong.

The outlook looks peachy for Druk lovers this month, with lots of social events and gatherings in the calendar. Just a word to the wise, remember to use your indoor voice, shouting doesn’t equal passion, plus you’re already on mandatory mute during Zoom calls.

Calibri

If daisies are the friendliest flower, Calibri is the friendliest typeface. Released in the heydays of 2007, it’s so mellow and innocuous it’s Microsoft's default typeface – yes, it’s the one your mum likes.

It comes as no surprise that those who love to dabble in Calibri are cheerful people who surround themselves with animals, especially dogs. Pinterest and Ikea hacks are their main hobbies, although they do have a darker side, often spending hours ruthlessly rating their holiday and restaurant experiences on Trip Advisor with vicious aplomb.

This month Calibri devotees should be wary of the colder months moving in. As we know summer is your time to shine so go easy on yourself and take solace in the beauty of falling autumnal leaves. If your crush is a sucker for Calibri, invite them on a date to the Ikea cafe – they’ll be thrilled to share a plate of meatballs with you.

Futura

A nod to the geometric, Bauhaus aesthetic, Futura is a typeface with class and sophistication. If you’re a champion of Futura then you’re in good company as Wes Anderson – king of aesthetically pleasing things – is also a fan, with it appearing in pretty much every one of his films in various weights and colours.

Futura buffs are stylish and modern like their typographical counterpart, as well as extremely well put together and big on interior design. Event planning is their bread and butter, though they can be a bit of a control freak at times, and are very detail orientated. So don’t even think about suggesting a spontaneous trip anywhere – they will want to research ten other alternatives first.

With their hyper-organised nature they probably already know what’s going to happen this month, so if you’re pals with a Futura fan, then be prepared for them to be filling up your diary with fun group events, and counting down the days til their epic birthday party. So perhaps buy them a planner for the next year, but keep the receipt because they’ll probably return it for one they like.

Comic Sans

One of the most divisive of typefaces, it seems like Comic Sans is always in retrograde. Childlike and almost handwritten in appearance, despite the hate it gets, this typeface is used around the world.

Unfortunately, fans of this sans can come across as a little immature. They often leave the group chat (demanding to be let back in a day later), they love an OTT coffee order and selfies are mandatory on a night out. If Fiat 500 Twitter was a typeface… On the other hand they are extremely loyal, empathetic and will leave dozens of compliments underneath your Instagram posts.

After a good winter, the outlook is a bit gloomy this month for Comic Sans enthusiasts with some bad news on its way to you. You’ll ultimately be fine, but read the room and try not to use emojis as a response – the skull comes across a little crass.

Ofform

Ofform is a futuristic little number created by Displaay and inspired by folded strips of fabric. Released in 2019, Ofform is a newcomer to the typographic chart, but the typeface has built up a cool legion of sleek, fashion-conscious friends.

Ofform disciples don’t follow trends, they start them. So they’ve probably been big into cryptocurrency and NFTs long before you even knew they were a thing. Fear not, they’ve not always been this chic though, as weird pop culture conspiracy theories are their kryptonite.

For those who love Ofform, the moon is dancing through your chart this month so get creative. Pick back up those hobbies you started in lockdown like crochet and making your own bread, it’ll add a bit of warmth to your cool exterior.

Whyte and Whyte Inktrap

Whyte and Whyte Inktrap are non-identical type twins, blending both the smooth with the sharp, the analogue with the digital. As such, these font-based Geminian-like families have two opposing, often contradictory, sides to them.

Not quite Jekyll and Hyde, they are often an awkward blend of extrovert and introvert. Think planning a big party and hiding upstairs all night, or getting miffed at not being invited to bowling even though they hate bowling.

With fluctuating feelings about a new season, this month will be a mild rollercoaster. Embrace this though; while some find your two sides tricky to manage, a new soulmate is on the horizon for Whyte aficionados and they will be able to handle your unpredictable mood swings and even love you for it.

Papyrus

Rough-edged with a futuristic air, Papyrus used to feel like a wild choice when using Microsoft Word for the first time. And while it’s been a relatively popular typeface since it was released in the 80s, Ryan Gosling’s SNL tirade on Papyrus cemented it as another fiery font people love to hate.

For those who still love it (yes, there are still some), they’re fans of all things olde worlde, which makes sense as Papyrus was created to emulate English written on 2000-year-old paper. Craft fairs, medieval festivals and neighbourhood Facebook groups are their jam, plus they have a heart of gold.

This month the sun rises in your corner, so be prepared for an influx of projects. At work you are the problem-solver extraordinaire, but be careful about the craft station you’ve set up at work, people are getting annoyed by the pong of the glue gun at lunch.